want more? click ADHD? i hardly know her!!28/11/25
just rambaling and ranting here today, dont mind me!!!! adhd is kicking my ass recently. not that it hasnt been kicking my ass my whole life.
oh holy shit wait my mum just told me to not go into college today???????????? and im really conflicted??????? god okay so i have just english today and obviously im dreading going because like. when do i not. but i was still planning to go in because ive got to keep my attendance up and i litteraly called in sick last week. she told me "dont go in today because you need to be ready for tommorow" wtf?? whats tommorow?? she tells me that she booked tickets for a small local con that i very explicitly told her not to book. fuckkkkkkkk bro 😭️ ik ur lying rn!! i really dont wanna go and i also need to go into college because of my attendance.. wtf do i do. im gonna go tell her that i dont wanna go brb
she told me that it was fine i didnt wanna go but i can tell how angry she is.,.., god i hate being dragged into things that i very explicitly dont wanna do.. like if i told you i dont wanna go then dont book tickets!!!! whatever one day ill die. anyways, im having really bad trouble keeping my shit together latley. managing school work has brought me to tears so many times just because of how stressfull it is. i dont want to be like "oh its litteraly my adhd" because insert that omg you people cant do anything tweet.. but like. ive been desperatley crying out for meds for so long and nobody in my life will do anything about it. me and mum are broke as hell, the waiting list is god awful and my dad wont do anything. god im so pathetic im gonna live stream my suicide tonight (not actually duhhhhh)
no because what am i supposed to do anymore. how am i supposed to cope with this. if you tell me to "try herbal remidies!!!" "break your work up into sections" i will gut you alive :D . lol!!!!!!! why is being mentally ill so expensive. going private is like £700 AND THATS JUST THE DIAGNOSIS 💔️ seriously what am i supposed to do adhd has ruined my life. my grades are so bad because work overwhelms me so much and i cant focus, i constantly forget to talk to my friends and leave them on delivered, im burnt out and have no time for litteraly anything and im groing up!! shit!! i gotta handle a job soon!!!!!! fuck!!!!!
im not suicidal or anything, far from it in fact, but its not even a low that ive hit - its just a dead end. what do i do except die atp. god okay im so negative this needs to stop. im obvisously not gonna die im gonna livelivelive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!
it might be a shock but adhd is the reason i havent been updating my site much,.. i want to cry. i wanna stay home and code my website forever oh my god i miss coding so much
ok i actually have to go to college now.. ☹️ ill be okay!! hope you have a lovley day to whoevers reading this!!! i love you byeeeeeeee
Sleepover (again)1/11/25
i got ipad time so yk what that means !! blog time wooohoo yaya i'm so happy about this information!!1! im at a sleepover right now and they've banished me upstairs because they're all watching a scary movie and i don't do gore
so now i'm thinking of thinks to do on my ipad for a bit, since i dont have my laptop with me and it crossed my mind i haven't updated my blog for a while!
well, okay, a while is a bit of an understatement. i find it ironic how i talked about how frequently i want to update my blog in my first post and then just. stopped. honestly, i've never been frequent with this kind of stuff, especially my own diary, BUT WHATEVER IM WRITING NOW! enjoy me while you have me y'all
really happy to be at a sleepover now actually!! i love hanging out with my friends so much you have no idea. also i get to be reunited with my friends xiao genshin impact blanket. its legendary
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i picked up persona last week and OH MY GOD. NEW FOUND FIXATION GUYS. I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHHHHJJ RYUJI AND YUSUKE OH MY GOD 😭😭😭😭💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 i want to buy little plushies of them so bad. WDYM THEIR NENDOROIDS ARE £100 . HELLO. whatever. i loav them
i had the scare of my life today, i thought my homepage folder in my file garden got deleted because all my files were missing from my homepage. oh my GOD i thought i was gonna have to re upload ALL OF THEM. turns out i just moved my folder into a different directory by accident..... FILES ARE BACK UP YOU GUYS ADVELOS IS FREEEEEEEEE
speaking of which i'm currently coding my about me page and it's going pretty well!! i'm really excited to show you guys! it's kind of hard to write about yourself when you have such a distorted sense of identity but i'm getting around to it
i've had so many red Doritos i hunger for more... they so good.... dorit 🤤🤤🤤🤤
Bus hell18/10/25
oh. hello again. i just had the MOST ANNOYING PUBLIC TRANSPORT EXPERIENCE. firstly, the train directly from where i was and where i wanted to go was CANCELLED. but no worries, i can get the bus! sure it might be a little longer but no worries
! so i wait for the train to get to where my bus will be… and wait… and wait.. oh it’s delayed yeah crazy never would’ve guessed
. eventually after like 20 minutes we get on. keep in mind i’m going to the second stop on this train, so no big deal it should be pretty fast. we get to the first stop with ease, everyone gets off, new people get on and then…. hey guys erm why isn’t it moving
. we wait for AGES and this DAMN TRAIN DOESNT MOVE 😭. oh what’s that?? the train is cancelled?? haha yay!! i love life
!!! everyone gets on and we FINALLY get on another train and i get off at where i’m meant to be
public transport is an actual NIGHTMARE i hate doing it everydayyy 😭 at least it’s cheap with my bus pass also i made a really awesome friend on the way HI IF YOUR READING THIS!!1!1!! HELLOOOO!!
sorry i haven’t been updating my blog as much as i’d like to, i’ve been working hard on v2 of my site and it paid off!! i love how pretty it looks and i’m really glad you guys like it!!!! all the compliments on my site genuinely make me so happy 😭💗 LOVE AND PEACE YALL 🙏 i’m currently working on about me section because i feel like that’s a pretty important part of a website plus i love talking about myself LMAO
despite it, i’m itching to make a proper music page and button wall
SPEAKING OF WHICH, i want to collect a ton of other peoples buttons and mutual a TON of other people.. OUGHHEHEHE BUTTONS ARE SO COOL 😭😭!! literally tell me if u add my button cause i WILL link it back mark my words. i'm planning on making a colour ordered button wall because wtf that would be awesome RAINBOW BUTTONS!!
writing this 1/11/25, i forgot to keep writing this 😭 sorry guys
First day 2/9/25
GAH!! runs to my bed an collapses on it IM SO TIRED!! today was my first day of college!!! oh GOD was there a lot of walking around it was pretty nice, we did some ice-breaker stuff because it was pretty much just induction. yahhhhhahahah immso tired BLEEHHHHHH i don't even wanna write this but i do at the same time
i saw so many people, everyone literally has such cool style and i felt SOOO LAME 😭 actually i did. have kinda a fire shirt which lots of people complimented me on:
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fih
OMG i saw this girl dressed in FULL PINK LOLITA and oh my god. she was so gorgeous wtf. i mustered up the courage to say hi to her and she was so nice THEN SHE POINTED AT MY BAG AND RECOGNISED IT WAS USAGI IM GONNA CRYYYYYY
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i'm so glad to be leaving school behind, college is so much better even if today was exhausting.. public transport is SUCH A PAINNNN ☹️☹️ morning train: cancelled. bus: delayed cause the station was full. afternoon train: cancelled. train after the cancelled one: ALSO CANCELLED. had to go back home with my friends mum LOL. literally my train station is built at the bottom of a DAMN HILL so i'm gonna have to walk up that EVERY TIME.
i'm working on my music page! i cant wait to show you guys it's gonna be AWESOMEMEME
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i've been watching dandadan recently... omg its so peak. i forgot how much i love anime in general
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short entry this time cuz i'm sleepy.... bleeehhh 💤💤💤
Sleepover!!28/08/25
YEAH! I HAD A SLEEPOVER AT MY FRIENDS!! ougghehhrh it was so much fun i love them so much honestly, i think that sleepovers should be a weekly thing. i think it's a general consensus that when you grow up, you kinda stop having sleepovers. and i get it, you're older now, you're more busy, u like ur own comfy bed, you just don't have the time. i'm gonna miss the summer holidays for that exact reason
i love having time to do whatever i want, when i want. but that's all going to change because:
IM STARTING COLLAGE NEXT WEEK. YEAH. well actually im not that nervous, it's mainly just hoping i get the bus okay and the bullying isn't that bad this time... im glad to be rid of my old school though, that was HELL.
i've got all my new clothes ready and stuff hehe they're so comfy
i'm gonna be taking the level 2 social media and esports course, but luckily it's more about advertising and hosting event rather than actual games thank GOD.
near late july i got really into revamping my room and it looked so good so far (i mean the cardboard or tin shelves i DIY'ed keep falling down but.. i try) ! but then i took 1 day off... then another... then another... and now it's the end of august!! i still have loads of posters to put up! and i want to eventually print my artfight attacks when i get enough money to do so... (sorry artfight, i tried to be strong but burnout was stronger ) anyways, i really need to finish off my room, especially so i can welcome my lain nendroid that's arriving tomorrow!! i'm so excited!!
this will be my first ever nendroid!!! GAHH I COULD SCREAM!!
while i'm on the topic, i've been procrastinating a lot recently. not on anything important that i need to do but mainly on my hobbies and interests that i really want to do. i have SO many webpages planed, especially shrines!! i just cant find it in myself to actually open my computer and atleast make a start. even when i do make a start and get all excited to code, i just end up leaving it i've been creating less and less, idk what's up with me! collage is definitely not gonna help my case. it's not even creating, i've been forgetting to text my friends a lot and idek why because i love talking to my friends
i also wanna start joining webrings soon.. they r so cool but honestly i have this thing when my stuff needs to be perfectly polished and finished for me to share it with people online.. idk why :p ! but then i never end up finishing anything because... well... look above
i have really big plans for this site, i get really excited just thinking about them... cool shrines.. a manifesto page... OUHEHEH a girlboything can dream...
i think this is my sign to finally start working on my room a little.. it DESPERATELY needs atleast a little bit of attention and then maybe i'll code later! idk! who knows! if you've gotten this far then thanks for reading!! i'll see you soon!
wow... i havent even looked at my blog page for a while, i forgot how much i like the aesthetic!
bounce back 12/08/25
sighhh dearest diary... the past idk like three days has been kinda rough on me. i've been trying to fix my computer for god knows how long untill i eventually gave up.. i MISSS having a computer i'm so sad it just died on me!
i was also feeling really down and a lot of arguing was going on between my parents.. and also my mum and me. i've been in the mental PITS! BUT DONT WORRY! i'm feeling better today!
i usually say i'm a pretty happy and jolly little guy, i'm not happy all the time, but i'm pretty content! however when i have those inevitable lows, they hit like a TRUCKKK ☹️ having DID also doesnt help with any of it. i hate being a system sometimes
anyways, what did i do today? i wanted to go on the bus to town for a walk, since today was gonna be really hot. i thought to myself "oh! i haven't used my card yet, i'll use it to pay for my ticket!" so the bus arrives, i put my card on the reader....
THE CARD DECLINES! which is weird because, i double checked i had money in there. the ticket is only £3! so i try again... and it still declines!! the driver says "use a different card or use cash." and i shakily reply with "okay i'm sorry thank you.." and i get off the bus. obviously, my card declines because it's my first time using it and i need to activate it, but my dumbass thought i could activate it there....
the worst part is, I HAD CASH! i had money i could've just paid right there!! but my stupid anxious self got in the way and i stepped off like an IDIOT! as of writing this, i'm just about to get the next bus. wish me luck...
NVM CHAT I DID IT!!! had a nice walk! well okay it was nice at first, but i ended up walking too far and ended up REEALLLYYY tired.. doesn't help that i was walking in 30 DEGREE WEATHER.
that's 86 fahrenheit for u americans. SO HOT! but walking was so much fun so it's okay
i felt very jolly and whimsical, probably because i was listening to this:
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here's a cute picture of the ducks i got behind a wooden frame! usually the lake is filled, so i guess their enjoying the new space of the dried land
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stop.. this was cochlea 2016... /ref
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i've been getting back into nso recently!! i'm gonna be copy and paste and say ame is so me... she's written SCARILY well. i bought it on my switch even though i have it on steam... idek why i bought it, switch version is LAGGY AF!! but it's okay, i wanna 100% both copies . nso means a lot to me tbh. when i'm going through my darkest times, it reminds me that things can get worse! /j . i've been planning a shrine for it so stay tuned!
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OH YEAH the snorlax plushie from last entry arrived, HES SO CUTE OH MY GOD. THE NOSE. THE DAMN NOSE. I LOVE HIM!! tried to rest my glasses on him, obviously they don't fit but.. oh my god he's so cute
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anyways, that's it for today blog post! i hope i don't habe to have these sad days anymore. i usually try to be happy but angels have feelings too yknow? /ref
i have some BIIIIIIG plans for this site, i hope you all look forward to them! 🙏 BLESS 🙏
My first blog post!07/08/25
hey there!! this is my first ever blog post!! OMG! i hope you guys like the layout of my blog page, it's kinda like a fake email sorta thing i was literally just about to write this and went on a side quest to get these kaomoji pixels.. they are so cute omg
THESE EMOJIS MAKE ME WISH I HAD NITRO SO I COULD SEND THEM TO MY FRIENDSS UGGHHHH is it just me or is it like so much easier to communicate with emojis and stuff??? like they convey emotion and meaning more than any tone tag can!! but not the default emojis.. LIKE OKAY. THE 😭 AND 💗 ARE THE ONES I MAINLY USE but like let's say i'm angry like this: . that's like a cute little "i'm mad at you! >_< !!" kinda thing that you could use with your friends to show ur not actually mad. WHAT OPTIONS TO I HAVE WITH EMOJIS. 😡 THIS??? I LOOK GENUINELY ANGRY.. and you will never catch me using 😤. oh my god.
anyways, what have i been up to? i visited my dad on the canal boat friday to tuesday this week!! it was nice seeing him and being on the canal boat after so long, but oh boy, being there drains me! i've always been a home person, i get home sick quite easily >_> if your not British then you probably don't know what a canal boat is. it's a narrow boat (shocker) that you live on in the canal. the canal is basically like a water road for boats, and they 'park' at the side when they wanna stop. (it can get very claustrophobic in there! nothing like a regular house. if your on there for too long, regular land feels like it's rocking back and forth for a while @_@ ) it's very high maintenance right now, since it's only been a year on the boat, but its definitely had some progress!
i got my nails done! i've never really had my nails done before, but my dads, boat neighbour, friend (woah) is practicing nails and asked if she could practice on me free of charge!
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pink and purple isn't really my thing, but i think it looks cute!! i did ask for yellow, but they didn't have any in stock . i suppose it's for the better though, yellow isn't the most flattering from afar
i was looking through vinted the other day and found this snorlax plushie up for sale. it had a crease that made it look like a nose and i laughed because it was so ugly.. but then... i kept thinking about the fugly snorlax... with a dumb little nose. the description was something like "looking for a new home!" and my heart melted. i felt so bad for this fucking ugly snorlax plushie that i bought him for £8 AND I NEVER REGRETTED IT. it hasn't arrived yet but THIS IS THE PICTURE IN THE LISTING
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I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE 😭😭💗
anyways!! if you got this far, thanks for reading my first ever blog post!! next step is my about me page (idk why i didnt finish that first) and the pic log! so stay tuned! i intend to update my blog frequently, maybe like once or twice a week.. but i'll probably forget to update it one time and you'll never hear from me again for like 6 months.
i mean, would frequent updates be annoying? do people even update their blogs that much? someone please tell me!! i know some people use it as journal and others use it as a giant life update, but do people even read blogs anymore? well i know you do, you're reading this right now! but when exploring someone's web page, do people take the time to read their blog posts? personally, i really enjoy reading what people are up to, it's my favourite part of exploring web pages honestly! but it seems like all the sites i visit don't update all that much ... i want to read your blog post! no matter how long it is, i want to hear your thoughts, stranger!
take care everyone! i'll see you in the next entry